That ParticulArzzZ SkooLZZzz

At first, when I was posted to 'that particular school', I lost my way there. Then when I reached that school, I realised it is a mixed single session primary school. My first impression was that this school is extremely new, the facilities just set up and everything gives the impression that it has not even been really used.

My feelings... Objectively, I know that this will be the place to decide if I can proceed on to study and become a full fledged Teacher ('Cher' in short). Emotionally, I know that this will also be the place for me to decide if teaching is my cup of tea, if I am capable of teaching.

I would have thought teaching would be about subject contents and how well I am able to convey the knowledge and contents to the students. I would have thought I would be tested on how well I can manage the class. It will just like a test to me.

I was wrong. My stay in that particular school challenged my every ideal, my every decision. It challenged my judgement, my capabilities, my almost everything. Everything which seems to be OK or 'should be like that' to me was vaporised during my stay there and I have to reorganise myself all over again.

So... A bit scary right? Actually maybe it's just peanuts to the other contract teachers out there, maybe I am just stupid or maybe I am just overly concerned about my ideals for teaching. Help~~!...

From a confused soul...

Confusion blinds you to your path and misleads you. Do not always think you know because there are always matters which you do not know. It is just that you have not met those matters yet.